


Jurassic World Training Video

by CJCroen1393



Category: Jurassic Park - All Media Types, Jurassic World (2015)
Genre: Gen, Pure Crack, Screenplay/Script Format, based on a spongebob episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 02:28:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4589568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CJCroen1393/pseuds/CJCroen1393
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Welcome aboard. If you're watching this video then let me be the first to say CONGRATULATIONS! You've recently been hired by the Jurassic World amusement park and this is your first official day of training!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jurassic World Training Video

**Author's Note:**

> The second and possibly last Spongebob/Jurassic World thing I'm gonna make. This episode is a classic and I thought it would go great with JW.

JURASSIC WORLD TRAINING VIDEO

[Images of Jurassic World flash on the screen. Mosasaurus Feeding Show. Gyrosphere. Gentle Giants Petting Zoo. Aviary. T. Rex Kingdom. Front Gates. Mr. DNA pops into the screen with a grin.]

Mr. DNA: Welcome aboard! If you're watching this video then let me be the first to say [a big banner appears above him that says] CONGRATULATIONS! [Lowery Cruthers appears on screen, looking excited] You've recently been hired by the Jurassic World theme park and this is your first official day of training!

Lowery: Can I see some dinosaurs now?

Mr. DNA: No no no. You have a lot to learn before you're ready to see the dinosawrs! As you can see by this graph: [stock footage of a giraffe appears] Ahem. GRAPH: [a graph appears on the screen] You are now employed by one of the most successful theme parks in the world! But it didn't get that way overnight [footage of the park at night] because the park closes at ten. [an image of Hammond appears onscreen] No, the story of Jurassic World is the story of one man's hard work, determination, hard work, vision and sweat. [close up on Hammond's arm pit] But mostly his sweat. 

[Title Card]  
FROM HUMBLE BEGINNINGS

Mr. DNA: [over footage of Hammond as a small child, walking up to a vending machine] You may think that the late John Parker Hammond, former owner and proprietor of Jurassic World Inc. had always been the financial wizard he was before his death. [Kid!Hammond places a coin in the vending machine and a soda comes out. He then removes the coin, revealing that it's on a string. Kid!Hammond laughs and drinks his new soda.] And you're right! [footage of Hammond's funeral. Zoom in on Simon Masrani, looking depressed] After Hammond's death, his protege Simon Masrani remained secluded in a deep depression that seemed endless. [cuts to footage of a near completed Jurassic World] But his luck changed when he received ownership of Hammond's old Jurassic Park! And with a few minor alterations [shows Masrani painting "World" over "Park" on Jurassic World's main gate] Jurassic World was born!

[Overhead shot of the park, which chirps like a baby dinosaur]

Mr. DNA: [over the image of a baby Triceratops] Sounds like a lot of--

???: HOOPLA!

Mr. DNA: Sounds like a lot of--

???: HOOPLA!

Mr. DNA: [irritated] Sounds like a lot of--

???: HOOPLA! [pan over to show a guy shouting] HOOPLA! [Mr. DNA throws a brick at him and knocks him out, then pans back to the baby Triceratops]

Mr. DNA: Sounds like a lot of hoopla over a little dinosawr right? Ha ha ha, WRONG!

[Title Card]  
JURASSIC WORLD TODAY

[footage of Jurassic World's many forms of modernization. The Holoscape of the Innovation Center. The Control Room. A Gyrosphere. The Cloning Lab.]

Mr. DNA: To keep up with today's demanding customer, we've spared no expense to make your experience is as modern as possible.

Claire: [in the Innovation Center, pointing to a brochure] This is an advanced park guide system! [in the gift shop pointing to a cash register] This is our money handling machine! DON'T TOUCH! [at the Mosasaurus tank] This is our advanced Mosasaurus feeding mechanism! Important. [in the T. rex Kingdom with a flare] And most importantly, you have the T. rex chew toy! [tosses flare over to the T. rex] Now are you going to pay to watch any of these or just stand there 'cause there's a standing fee.

[Lowery is sitting in the Control Room and looking with joy at all the amazing technology]

Mr. DNA: All of this modernization may seem a little overwhelming! But luckily for you, Mr. Masrani's fear of robot overlords keeps the balance of technology in check! But if modernization and dinosawrs are the heart of Jurassic World, then employees are the liver and gallbladder! [floats over to Lowery] Let's see if you've got what it takes. Poised, confident and a smile that says "Hellov world! Let's go see some dinosawrs!" You have the makings of a good employee, Mr. Cruthers! But for every good employee, there is one who is _not_ so good. [shows Zara Young] Hmm. Inattentive, impatient, a glazed look in the eyes. Look carefully at the "I Really Wish I Weren't Here Right Now" button. There's a name for employees like this. But we'll just call her Zara. [Zara glares at him]

Zara: I'm getting paid overtime for this, right Claire?

Claire: [offscreen] Sorry! Can't hear ya!

[Title Card]  
TRAINING

Lowery: Does this mean I can see the dinosaurs now?

Mr. DNA: No, you can't see the dinosawrs without understanding the phrase "PLOP".

Lowery: Plop?

Mr. DNA: Once you understand PLOP, you'll be one step closer to seeing the dinosawrs! But what does PLOP mean? [Lowery shrugs] It's actually a carefully organized code! Watch carefully: **P** eople **L** ike **O** ur **P** rehistoric creatures!

Lowery: Oh! PLOP!

Mr. DNA: Looks like Mr. Cruthers understands PLOP! [shows a guest appearing in front of Zara] Here's a typical customer. I wonder what he wants.

Customer: I'd like directions--

Mr. DNA: Do you think he wants directions to A) The bathroom, B) A bookstore, or C) The T. Rex Kingdom?

Customer: --to the T. rex Kingdom please!

Mr. DNA: Now that that's out of the way, I bet you think you're ready to see the dinosawrs, right?

Lowery: DINOSAURS! [runs towards the dinosaurs only for Mr. DNA to swat at him with a flyswatter]

Mr. DNA: Woah there, Eager McBeaver! We haven't even talked about...

[Title Card]  
SAFETY

Mr. DNA: In order to keep everyone, guests and animals, safe and happy, we have spared no expense to keep the animals in their pens and he humans outside! [Lowery is in the control room, preparing to make everything as safe as possible] Be sure to activate the electric and invisible fences! [Lowery does just that] And don't forget about the Aviary's enclosed viewing area! [Lowery closes up the viewing area] And make sure the T. rex can't get out of her cage! [Lowery does just that] Okay, let's see what you did! [onscreen is a bunch of perplexed guests staring at the dinosaurs, who are essentially locked up and looking just as perplexed] Now that's thorough! Now let's see how Zara follows safety regulations!

[Zara is standing directly at the edge of the Mosasaurus tank. Suddenly, she slips and falls in with the Mosasaurus swallowing her while the ACU runs after her]

Mr. DNA: Remember! No employee wants to be a Zara! Now that you've followed safety protocols, I bet you think you're ready to see some dinosawrs!

Lowery: EEEE! I'M READY! [gets cloned] I'M READY! [gets cloned] I'M READY! [gets cloned] I'M READY! [Mr. DNA swats him again]

Mr. DNA: Woah there! We still have a few more topics to cover first! For example, we need to cover the psychological aspect:

[Title Card]  
INTERFACING WITH YOUR BOSS

Lowery: Claire, can I have a raise?

Claire: No.

Mr. DNA: Good job Mr. Cruthers!

Lowery: CAN I SEE SOME DINOSAURS NO--

Mr. DNA: [over footage of Zach and Gray entering the Innovation Center] And now we shall go from behind the scenes to the frontlines, where we will explore the most important aspect of the industry! The customer!

Zach: Who said that? 

Mr. DNA: Like precious precious blood in an animal, customers are what keeps Jurassic World strong and alive!

Gray: Cool! Hey Zara! The ceiling is talking to us!

Zara: Are you going to choose something to do or just make friends with the paneling?

Gray: [to Zach] What do you wanna do?

Zach: I dunno, what do you wanna do?

Gray: I dunno, what do you wanna do?

Zara: How about both of you go be stupid somewhere else!?

Mr. DNA: Ah ah ah, Zara! Remember what Claire says!

Claire: The money is always right!

Gray: The ceiling is right Zara. You're not a very good employee.

Zara: Fine, where would you two like to go?

Gray: [to Zach] What do you wanna do?

Zach: I dunno, what do you wanna do?

Gray: I dunno, what do you wanna do?

Zach: I dunno, what do you wanna do?

Gray: I dunno, what do you wanna do?

Zach: I dunno, what do you wanna do?

Gray: I dunno, what do you wanna do?

[Zara gets increasingly frustrated with all this]

Mr. DNA: We'll check in on these three later. Right now it's important that we discuss an...

[Title Card]  
EMERGENCY SITUATION

Mr. DNA: [over Lowery diligently guarding Jurassic World's DNA collection in the lab] Like the lost treasures of ancient cultures, many consider Jurassic World's dinosawrs to be a treasure. And just like any other treasure, there is a thief ready to steal it. So it is up to you to keep a watchful eye for--[the DNA suddenly gets sucked into a vacuum by a sneering man with a "BioSyn" shirt] What's this? It's InGen's greatest rival, Lewis Dodgson!

Dodgson: Eat my dust, InGen!

Mr. DNA: What are you going to do, Mr. Cruthers?

Lowery: CLAIRE! [runs around] CLAIRE! WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING! GET THE T REX! GET THE MARINES! GET SOME PTERANODONS! GET YOUR BOYFRIEND'S RAPTORS! GET SOMETHING! AHHHHHH!

[Dr. Henry Wu walks up to Dodgson]

Dodgson: [hops into an old Jurassic Park jeep] You'll never catch me, Wu! Not after I shift into MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE! [tries to start the car, but fails] I knew I should've gotten the turbo. [Wu pulls him out of the car and drags him away while Lowery's screaming]

Mr. DNA: And another incident is avoided thanks to Mr. Cruthers! [cuts back to Zara and the boys] Now let's see how Zara is doing!

Gray: I dunno, what do you wanna do?

Zach: I dunno, what do you wanna do?

Gray: I dunno, what do you wanna do?

Mr. DNA: Psst! Zara!

Zara: Huh?

Mr. DNA: Just remember: PLOP!

Zara: Zach, Gray, if I might make a suggestion, why don't you just go look at some dinosaurs?

Gray: I'm cool with that!

Zach: Yeah, great idea Zara!

Zara: Okay, which one will it be. [realizes what she said and covers her mouth]

Gray: Which one do you wanna see?

Zach: I dunno which do you wanna see?

Gray: I dunno which do you wanna see?

[Zara repeatedly hits her head against a wall]

Mr. DNA: Don't worry, Zara! It's all part of the job! [over the image of an instruction manual] Now that we've covered all the basics of your training, it's time for the moment you've been waiting for! [as a dinosaur slowly zooms toward the screen] Da, da da da da da da da, da da da da da da, da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da, da da da da da da da da da da da da da, da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da, da da da da [gasps for breath] da da da da da da!!!!!!! The DINOSAWRS! [over footage of Lowery hugging a stuffed dinosaur tightly] At the center of every great dynasty is the crowned jewel which keeps it alive and thriving! For Jurassic World, this is the dinosawrs!

Lowery: [snuggles stuffed dinosaur] I love dinosaurs!

Mr. DNA: And now you, the humble employee off the streets, will get to see with your very own eyes...

Lowery: 8D

Mr. DNA: The amazing, the astounding, the stupendous, the majestic, the beautiful and spectacular creatures that are the dinosawrs! Are you ready?

Lowery: [nods]

Mr. DNA: Are you sure?

Lowery: [nods even harder]

Mr. DNA: OKAY! Here are the dinosawrs! [they're all CGI]

Lowery: [is extremely disappointed]

Mr. DNA: No refunds.

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about the ending. I couldn't think of a better one.


End file.
